Lessons Learned from a Too-Busy Fall

Feb 08, 2023
Woman with clock

Do you remember the scene from I Love Lucy where Lucy and Ethel are packaging chocolates from a conveyer belt? It is one of those laugh-out-loud scenes. They are going along happily packaging chocolates when the conveyer belt starts to speed up and the chocolates come out too many, too fast. They just don’t stop coming! Lucy’s response is, of course, hilarious! But what happens to the rest of us when work and life come at us- too much, too fast? The results are not quite so funny. I experienced this recently when I found myself significantly depleted after a too-busy stretch of work. I was exhausted and it was impacting my work and my home life. I realized that I needed to engage in some introspection and re-learning in order to be more effective and productive. My consulting and coaching business focuses on working with independent school leaders who regularly experience the feeling of being overwhelmed by their work. It is something I talk about a lot in coaching sessions with school leaders. So I thought I’d share how my recent experiences led me to insights that have helped me to feel more grounded and energized.

 

This feeling of being depleted because of too much work has reminded me of the oxygen mask rule when we fly: you must put your oxygen mask on first before helping another with their mask. When applied to life, this rule means we must take care of ourselves before taking care of others; if we run out of oxygen, we aren’t much good as caregivers. This can be applied in so many instances! This fall, I forgot to put on my oxygen mask. By letting myself get depleted, I was not able to show up as fully and as effectively as I wanted with my clients. I was also not able to be as present with my family and friends. If I had spent a little more time focusing on my own self-care, I would have been a better consultant, coach, friend, partner, and mother to others. 

 

 The main lesson I have recently re-learned regarding the need to care for myself is about paying attention to both time management as well as energy management. I think we all know about time management, and there are many approaches that can be used to organize, track, and manage how you spend your time. These are critical and each of us needs to be diligent about finding and implementing the time management strategies that work best for us. I am quite good at time management- and I have been able to get everything done that I needed to. What I failed to do this past fall was manage my energy. My friend and colleague Jen Cort first introduced me to the concept of energy management many years ago. This is the practice of understanding what depletes and restores us and ensuring that we maintain the energy needed to be effective, productive, and happy. As I found out, one can get everything done yet still end up depleted, unhappy, and ineffective if energy isn’t managed.

 

There are several ways we can manage our energy.

 

  • Understand what depletes our energy. This is different for each person. A head of school recently shared with me that as an introvert, development meetings with donors are one of the activities that deplete her the most. She said she feels like she needs a nap after every one! Yet, other heads I have talked with feel energized by these types of conversations. We each need to be honest with ourselves about what activities deplete our energy. Not that we will refrain completely from these activities- we may actually like some of them even if they are depleting. We need to be aware of how our activities impact us.
  • Understand what restores our energy. This is also unique to each person. Some people need to be in a quiet room by themselves; others need to go out for drinks with friends to regain energy. Jen Cort recommends that we each make a list of the activities, food, sounds, movement, technology, etc. that restore us so that we can ensure that we regularly include them in our daily and weekly routines. And of course: sleep, healthy eating, and exercise are the building blocks of our energy and must be prioritized.
  • Use your time management skills to plan for energy management. Once you understand what depletes and restores your energy, you can plan for energy management. Look at your calendar- when do you anticipate you will feel the most depleted? How can you schedule in time to restore your energy? Prioritize these restoration times, as they will enable you to accomplish all of the rest of your work.
  • Recognize that planning for energy restoration is not selfish! I know many heads of schools who worry that any time spent focusing on themselves will be seen as not supportive of the school. In fact, be spending time engaged in energy-management activities, even if they are away from school, is exactly what will make them a better leader. Refer back to the oxygen mask rule.
  • Plan time for reflection/learning/creativity. I’ve also been pondering the concept of being a “human-being not just a human-doing.” My own coach recently asked me: Who are you when you are not “doing?” I was doing so much last fall that I didn’t have time to reflect upon my work, learn about new ways to think about my work, or engage in creative activities - such as writing. I know this added to my feeling of being depleted. We need to intentionally schedule and plan for each of these activities. I now have color-coded blocks of time on my calendar to take time to reflect, to spend time reading or some other learning activity, and to engage in writing and other creative pursuits. I was just introduced me to The Happiness Lab podcast and I listened to the episode “Are we born to work? Or born to live?” which speaks directly to time and energy management.
  • Plan time to do nothing. Our brains need rest just like our bodies need rest. Ashok Seshadri, M.D. of the Mayo Clinic writes in an article titled Boost your brain with boredom: When your brain is focused on an intense activity, it exerts a lot of energy. When you finish the activity, it returns to a default state. This is normal and the way that brains restore. The default state can be thought of as a resting state. …When people are in this state, many important things are happening in the brain. It's consolidating memories and reflecting on lessons learned. The brain plays through scenarios and applies what was learned and how it could be used in the future. People spend time thinking about themselves and others. They reminisce about the past and daydream about the future.  Again, ensuring that we have enough of this resting, restoration time for our brains is important. 
  • Ask for help. Help can come in all shapes and sizes. For me, help was hiring a coach to support me to think about my goals, my business, and my practices. Having a safe space where I can be honest and vulnerable, where I can try out ideas, and where a mirror can be held up for me to reflect upon myself is a true gift! I believe that engaging with a coach can be beneficial for all school leaders, especially new ones. Furthermore, leaders can consider other ways of asking for help such delegatation, collaboration with their board, etc. 

 

 

I realized I was significantly depleted in mid-December. Yet I had scheduled myself such that it wasn’t until February 1st that I had the headspace and energy to start writing this blog post! Regaining energy can take time. And I recognize that school leaders are not always in control of all of their time. Yet we each have influence over how we approach time and energy management. As with most things, small changes can have big impacts. Start by considering your own energy levels and what depletes and restores them. Where can you start to manage your energy to be more productive, effective, and happy?



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